Women who live long beyond the menopause may increase their evolutionary fitness by caring for their grandchildren.
Study findings suggest that evolution has selected women to live long beyond the menopause in order to increase the fecundity of their children and thereby boost the propagation of their own genes.
Unlike most animals, which reproduce until they die, female humans can survive long after ceasing reproduction, researchers observe. "In theory, a prolonged post-reproductive lifespan will evolve when females can gain greater fitness by increasing the success of their offspring than by continuing to breed themselves," they propose.
To investigate, the team studied multigenerational data for 2800 women who lived in two farming communities in Finland and Canada during the 18th and 19th centuries.
The results showed that the length of a woman's post-reproductive lifespan was positively associated with the number of grandchildren she gave rise to, with two extra grandchildren produced for every 10 years lived beyond age 50 years.
In the presence, versus the absence, of a living post-reproductive mother, men and women reproduced earlier, more frequently, and for longer, and the resultant grandchildren were more likely to survive to adulthood, the authors report.
While grandmother effects alone appear insufficient to "account for the evolution of the menopause," they may account for the prolonged post-reproductive lifespan seen in humans, lead author Dr. Mirkka Lahdenpera concludes.
The Middle Wife By an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher.
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.
First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.
"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going,'Oh, oh, oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!
Now the kid's doing this hysterical duck walk, holding her back and groaning. "My Dad called the middle wife.
She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man."
"They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.
"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands are miming water flowing away. It was too much!
"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push, and breathe, breathe." "They started counting, but never even got past ten." "Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there."
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.
I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.
Life is meant to be lived . . . enjoy!
Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.
THE COLLEGE STUDENT seated next to me on the bus happened to mention that her grandmother was going to meet her at the next stop. Sure enough, an ample-figured woman was waiting. Her pleasant face brought back memories of my own childhood and the grandmother who had fed me milk and cookies. Engrossed in these thoughts, I suddenly realized that the student had dashed past the woman I had spotted and into the arms of another who was standing a few feet away.
"Grandma" was a stunning redhead in a shocking-pink jogging suit.
-
-Contributed to "Life In These United States" by Marguerite Giardina
A salute to Moms . . . and a few backhands!
The following are answers given by school-age children:
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Think about it, it was the best way to get more people.
3. Mostly to clean the house.
4. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string. I think.
What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
How did your Mom meet your dad?
1. Mom was working in a store and dad was shoplifting.
What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook?? Does he get drunk on beer?
Does he make at least $800 a year?? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores??
Why did your Mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
What makes a real woman?
1. It means you have to be really bossy without looking bossy.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goofball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home, and dads just got to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you gotta ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
What does your Mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What's the difference between moms and grandmas?
1. About 30 years.
2. You can always count on grandmothers for candy. Sometimes moms don't even have bread on them!
Describe the world's greatest Mom
1. She would make broccoli taste like ice cream!
2. The greatest Mom in the world wouldn't make me kiss my fat aunts!
3. She'd always be smiling and keep her opinions to herself.
Is anything about your Mom perfect?
1. Her teeth are perfect, but she bought them from the dentist.
2. Her casserole recipes. But we hate them.
3. Just her children
What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd dye-it, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with
bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo. Lots of children were waiting in
line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them
with tiger paws.
"You've got so many freckles, there's no place to paint!," a girl in the
line said to the little fella.
Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his head.
His grandmother knelt down next to him "I love your freckles. When I was a
little girl I always wanted freckles, she said, while tracing her finger
across the child's cheek. "Freckles are beautiful!"
The boy looked up, "Really?"
"Of course," said the grandmother. "Why, just name me one thing that's
prettier than freckles."
The little boy thought for a moment, peered intensely into his grandma's
face, and softly whispered, "Wrinkles."
**************************************
A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood
was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a
tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked
wild raspberries in the woods."
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking it all in. At last she said, "I sure
wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
**************************************
When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied "I'm not sure."
"Well, look in your underwear, Grandma," he advised. "Mine says I'm four."
***********************************
Our five-year-old son Mark couldn't wait to tell his friend about the movie
we had watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea." The scenes
with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed.
In the middle of the telling, my husband interrupted Mark and asked, "What
caused the submarine to sink?"
With a look of incredulity Mark replied, "Dad, it was the 20,000 leaks!!"
***************************************
A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess
what? We learned how to make babies today."
The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's
interesting," she said "How do you make babies?"
"It's really simple," replied the girl. "You just change "y" to "i" and
add "es."
(Wouldn't an English teacher just love that one?)
****************************************
"Give me a sentence about a public servant," said the teacher.
The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."
The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what
pregnant means?" she asked.
Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child."
********************************************
A grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning. He had
made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life.
When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green Army men
in the cup. She said "Honey, what are these army men doing in my coffee?"
Her grandson said, "Grandma, it says on TV, 'The best part of waking up is
soldiers in your cup!' "
***********************************
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home
one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the
fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's
duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck"
A third child brought the argument to a close..."No, they use the dogs",
she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."
This is Buddy, our English Springer
~We lost Buddy in an accident on December 7, 2006~
This is Scampi, one of our 2 cats. She passed away Feb 2011.
Just an annonymous, sleepy cat.
Another annonymous, sleepy cat.
This is for the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers
in their arms, wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer wieners and
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